Give me some of what you’ve got

Friday, August 29, 2008

I found these over here, and while I haven't actually watched any Olympic games this year, much less on American TV, I still found these hilarious.

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far during the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:

1. Weightlifting commentator: 'This is Gregorieva from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.'
2. Dressage commentator: 'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.'
3. Paul Hamm, gymnast: 'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'
4. Boxing analyst: 'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.'
5. Softball announcer: 'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.'
6. Basketball analyst: 'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.'
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.'
8. Soccer commentator: 'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.'
9. Tennis commentator: 'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?'

My rock throwing skillz, let me show you it.

Happy weekend!

Carlita, Daily photo, Internets, Random

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All kinds of crazy

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Me: So, what do you think?
Him: I think you’re getting too bored, too often. (followed by mad cackling)

We got a call from USAGC, which is the USA green card lottery people. I filled in the application in order to enter another, unrelated lottery and promptly forgot about it. Honestly, I feel a little dirty. The woman who called me up had an intelligible but heavy accent, and while she was rambling up all the countries that were not eligible in this lottery (oh, we are fortunate to be born in the land of Danes and Funland, respectively, for sure) I couldn’t help think how she might just be working at a callcenter in any of those countries herself.

I felt slightly dirty telling her I’m a housewife. And more so when she told me it was OK because I am married to someone who does have a job.

And by the way, we have twice as much chance to win because we’re married. And Carlita would of course get a green card too.

It feels all kinds of wrong to be eligible just because of where we were born. I don’t speak for all Funns, but I’m sure they’d be able to find a million other people that are more deserving than the two of us - and I wanted to tell her; Lady, you do not want us. Trust me.

I told her I needed to discuss it with my husband, because she wanted us to pony up money. I devilishly lied and told her Jelly Man was working while he is, in fact, on his third week of a month long vacation - spending much of his time farting and playing poker - and felt utterly disgusted with myself.

* * *

In other news, I got my period. That is all kinds of relief and only slightly melancholic.

* * *

He behaved like a gentle giant, but he was the smallest of us all. He died, and I already forget when, but his grave is neatly tucked between two berry bushes - something I’m sure he would approve of, had he only known - and it rained later that night, how fitting. I couldn’t help thinking that the roses bloomed so hard and fiercely this year just for him. His little box was padded with rose petals and stemless roses. We’re pretty sure he passed away in his sleep, and thinking back we do remember him being a bit on the tired side as of late.

Every now and then it hits me hard, but he had a pretty good life. And a long one, six whole years.

R.I.P. Twin, the boarest of boars.

Internets, Pets and pests, Random, The Bad

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You asked..

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Alright, so we’re back online - for now, knock on all wood surfaces (surprisingly many in this house, I might add).. And my partition that disappeared about a week ago is finally back, too! Joy! (Someone has earned themselves a good spanking. But in a good way!)

So, Jane was wondering about Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab. Dude, talk about opening up a black hole that is going to suck your wallet straight from your back pocket (which is quite a feat if you don’t keep your wallet there). Especially if you’re like me, and go “Oh, shiny! I MUST HAVE!“. Which, I can tell from a certain swimsuit post that, yes, yes she is indeed like me in that respect..

Anyway - I blame Miss A. for my addiction. Maybe because it truly is because of her that I even bother to smell nice. Jelly Man and Carlita are probably the only people in the world who can stand my natural, er, odor - Carlita mostly because she is my daughter, possibly also because she can’t talk yet, so she can’t tell me I smell like a moose carcass, and Jelly Man because he is weird that way.

So, what on earth is this BPAL thing?

Well.. For one, it’s perfume. For two, it’s awesome perfume!

And they are on Wikipedia, which explains it all so much better than I could. Also, this article is informative! So, why not go read up, then come back and leave a comment if you’re interested in me sending you an “imp pack” - free of charge!
(An “imp pack“ is six little samples, available in most of their categories, but not all.)

I’ve got two packs here of random “imps”, so if you’re into FREE STUFF* you know what to do..!

*Seriously, who is NOT into free stuff? Does such an abomination exist? I DARE YOU NOT TO COMMENT!

Internets

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Hell, without wheels

Friday, May 16, 2008

I think that my being in Europe officially keeps me out of the Wii competition over at Three Kid Circus, but I’ve actually got a (short) story, so I might as well share it, right?

I was probably 19 or 20 when I landed a really neat job. I was to be the danish customer service for an online music/movie store. The job was pretty straight forward, but still a lot of responsibility. It also happened to be 2 hours commute each way, so to say that I was tired the 6 months that I worked there would probably be an understatement.

I also managed to get my then boyfriend a job at the same company, so most days we would work at the same six people table. We were a little group of customer service and part time staffers in a big office - as hard as life was during that time, it was also a lot of fun - and a lot of stress. ( a LOT!)

Some time before I started the new job I had bought an Orbitrek. I was tired of being tired all the time, I was tired of being fat and most of all, I think, I was tired of being depressed. The Orbitrek came in and did exactly what any other exercise equipment have done before and after the Orbitrek - which is to say, not a whole lot.

I guess, to say that I didn’t do the Orbitrek a whole lot would be more accurate, actually.

Because there were a couple of us new people at work, meetings were had to get us up to date on the company - I remember one meeting my supervisor made fun of all the junk customers of the mother company were buying - specifically, she was making fun of the Orbitrek.

I could feel myself turning beetroot red, sinking ever so low into my chair. Did she.. know? I decided that the best course of action would be to play along and hope to god that no one ever felt like looking up my name, because right there next to it would be a note that says THIS PERSON, HAHA, SHE ACTUALLY HAS AN, AND GET THIS, HAHA.. AN.. AN.. HAHAHA.. AN ORBITREK!

To this day I still don’t know whether anyone knew or not, and to be quite frank, I would be so much happier never knowing.

So there, there you have it. It doesn’t quite have the iGallop beat, but it was still awkward aplenty.

Egotastic, Internets, The story of

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