Give me some of what you’ve got

Friday, August 29, 2008

I found these over here, and while I haven't actually watched any Olympic games this year, much less on American TV, I still found these hilarious.

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far during the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:

1. Weightlifting commentator: 'This is Gregorieva from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.'
2. Dressage commentator: 'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.'
3. Paul Hamm, gymnast: 'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'
4. Boxing analyst: 'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.'
5. Softball announcer: 'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.'
6. Basketball analyst: 'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.'
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.'
8. Soccer commentator: 'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.'
9. Tennis commentator: 'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?'

My rock throwing skillz, let me show you it.

Happy weekend!

Carlita, Daily photo, Internets, Random

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All kinds of crazy

Thursday, July 17, 2008

Me: So, what do you think?
Him: I think you’re getting too bored, too often. (followed by mad cackling)

We got a call from USAGC, which is the USA green card lottery people. I filled in the application in order to enter another, unrelated lottery and promptly forgot about it. Honestly, I feel a little dirty. The woman who called me up had an intelligible but heavy accent, and while she was rambling up all the countries that were not eligible in this lottery (oh, we are fortunate to be born in the land of Danes and Funland, respectively, for sure) I couldn’t help think how she might just be working at a callcenter in any of those countries herself.

I felt slightly dirty telling her I’m a housewife. And more so when she told me it was OK because I am married to someone who does have a job.

And by the way, we have twice as much chance to win because we’re married. And Carlita would of course get a green card too.

It feels all kinds of wrong to be eligible just because of where we were born. I don’t speak for all Funns, but I’m sure they’d be able to find a million other people that are more deserving than the two of us - and I wanted to tell her; Lady, you do not want us. Trust me.

I told her I needed to discuss it with my husband, because she wanted us to pony up money. I devilishly lied and told her Jelly Man was working while he is, in fact, on his third week of a month long vacation - spending much of his time farting and playing poker - and felt utterly disgusted with myself.

* * *

In other news, I got my period. That is all kinds of relief and only slightly melancholic.

* * *

He behaved like a gentle giant, but he was the smallest of us all. He died, and I already forget when, but his grave is neatly tucked between two berry bushes - something I’m sure he would approve of, had he only known - and it rained later that night, how fitting. I couldn’t help thinking that the roses bloomed so hard and fiercely this year just for him. His little box was padded with rose petals and stemless roses. We’re pretty sure he passed away in his sleep, and thinking back we do remember him being a bit on the tired side as of late.

Every now and then it hits me hard, but he had a pretty good life. And a long one, six whole years.

R.I.P. Twin, the boarest of boars.

Internets, Pets and pests, Random, The Bad

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Home alone

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Jelly Man is off to Latvia tonight, and after we make sure Carlita and I have everything we could possibly need from the grocery store (enough stuff to survive for a couple of months, in case he gets lost) I’m going to wave bye bye to him at the door, then come in here and turn the computer off. It’s a little experiment I’m doing, just for the sake of checking if I’m able to. Cause I don’t think I can, and that would confirm my suspicion that I am terribly addicted to the internet, and that would be a very bad thing.

I know, me addicted to the internet, crazy!

There is lots to do around the house anyway, and plus, I want to try and make this extra special bonding time between Carlita and I. This is going to be the first time I spend this much time with her alone - and I’m not going to lie, it scares the shit out of me. But I think I can rise to the challenge nevertheless. I might even take her for a walk up the forest road, we haven’t been there since she was still in her stroller. And bubbles, there will be lots of soap bubbles! And time spent outside, especially if it’s not hailing like yesterday.

So, yes, I might cave in one evening, but otherwise I don’t think I will get back to posting until Monday’ish. But, because I promised, I will get a picture of the new car and upload to flickr later today - it turns out it was a very real car indeed. And it’s spacy! And I don’t hate it! Give it a year or two and I might have an opportunity to, but for now all seems a-OK. It even gets a little gold star for having tinted windows in the back. No more need for those damn Winnie the Pooh screens whose suction cups detach from the window every other week.

Unfortunately, the car is also still very white. It’ll take me a while to stomach that, I think, but I got used to the green Lada - I should be able to overlook this minor detail given some time. Funny thing is, I might not have had as bad a reaction to a rust colored car as I did this white one, but I’m quirky like that. All in all I’m glad Jelly Man isn’t a car nut. We have a small child, and we are maybe possibly planning a second tot, so how long would a new car stay new anyway? This car will last us a couple of years, hopefully, and once we don’t have toddlers in the car, and we can afford to, a brand new car might be fun to splurge on. Now, not so much.

So, it comes as no surprise that I’m utterly disgusted with S. and his Latest Greatest Thing In The World, another high cost gadget that will fail to make him happy, just like all the other expensive gadgets he has bought the past couple of years have failed to make him even a little bit happier. You’ve got to wonder how long someone can keep up that kind of consumerism/therapy without once turning to themselves and ask if all these materialistic possessions actually help them feel more whole, or if it just leaves a hole in their pocket.

And why do certain people make their own family their enemy? What is the point marrying someone if you then spend a lot of energy on getting the hell out of the house?

Ach, you know, no ordinary people would - but then I’m not talking about your average joe, I’m talking about S.

And now I’m off to put some more laundry in the machine. If I keep this up I might demolish the heap this weekend! (Yeah, riiight..)

Jelly Man, Parenting, Random

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Zzzzzomg!

Friday, May 09, 2008

So, here I was writing about Carlita and how her nap time has evolved over the (soon multiple) year, when Jelly Man calls me and totally throws me for a loop.

First, it’s unusual for him to call me. We text most of the time when we are apart, mostly nonsense at that. But he called.

And then he told me he just got us a new car.

And then I had to pick up my jaw from my lap, and gingerly put it back in its proper place, so I could ask him;

Bla bla blaeurgh, eurgh herh, erm, sorry come again?

This is what I get for cohabitating and procreating with an Aquarius.

Now, don’t get me wrong. We have had our current car since 2001. Jelly Man actually bought it a few months before we got together, and it has served us pretty well, if you just choose to ignore the couple of times the exhaust pipe fell off mid-drive (yes, it happened at least twice, that I can remember), and considering it is a Lada I’m glad it has lasted us this long - lets not kid ourselves, a new car has been on the to-do list for quite some time now. And because it is Jelly Man who drives the car, it is only fair he gets to pick a suitable one.

I just wish I’d get some time to prepare, and maybe, just maybe the illusion of having some say in what kind of car we’ll be seen in in the next couple of years.

Apparently it’s some cheap Japanese thang that he is buying off a work buddy. White, no less. Gawd, I can’t believe we are going to be driving around in a white car, white! Our so far failed attempts at keeping a clean car will henceforth be visible failed attempts, as the green Lada blends in with our surroundings like nobody’s business, and white most definitely doesn’t.

It should be noted that the Lada nearly failed our last annual car inspection, and that any car is better than no car, white or not. And I’d be lying if I wasn’t excited at a new car, even if it isn’t NEW, new. But I am also slightly nerved out. What if I hate it? Also, how much you want to bet that Jelly Man is going to get pulled over twice as much with this flashy white machine?*

*Apparently, a green hunchback** Lada is the least offensive vehicle you could possibly find, and cops wouldn’t want to poke it with a stick, much less talk to the person driving it. I’m not even shitting you.

** LOL, hunchback! Suits the Lada so perfectly..

I am still half in shock. If a white Japanese car materializes on Monday/Tuesday next week, I’ll be sure to post pictures! Until then I think I’m going to stay in denial!

Daily, Jelly Man, Random, The Good

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