The birth
Sunday, November 04, 2007
So, it occurred to me that I never wrote a birth story. OK, so that makes me a liar - it has occurred to me several times, I just didn’t get around to it. Or didn’t want to get around to it, or whatever. I don’t know really.. by all accounts, everything went fine, or ended fine, so it’s not like I didn’t write it because it was traumatic, but I think I had to come to terms with it, in a way, in order to tell the story in a way that I wanted it to be told. I don’t know whether or not I’m actually there yet, but after over a year you’d think I ought to give it a shot, right?
I had my first tiny, but real, contraction July 30th, sometime early in the morning while Jelly Man and I were both getting ready to go pick up my mum at the ferry. It’s a three hour drive all in all, so I when that contraction hit I got worried we’d not be able to go pick her up and make it back in time. Some week prior I told her to come up as soon as possible because I didn’t know how much longer I would still be, you know, pregnant, but she couldn’t make it until Sunday the 30th. What irony if we couldn’t even come to pick her up because I was in labor - but the contraction went away, and I think I only had one more on our way to pick her up.
I can’t remember what went on that day, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t much. At night we got settled in and started to watch Crash on dvd, me spread all over the couch and breathing heavily because 2006 was the mother of all summers, my feet were swollen and my pelvis was hurting. At precisely 24.00 I coughed a little, and I felt something tear somewhere in there. I sat still for a moment, embarrassed to say anything in case it wasn’t worth saying anything about, and just a second or two later I felt the trickle. I cleared my throat and said; “I think my water broke”, and all I remember was Jelly Man and mum just.. looking at me, like I had three heads, and was about to sprout a fourth.
It took a while before it actually sank in that, dude! MY WATER JUST BROKE, and Jelly Man actually had the nerve to ask me if I was sure, which in hindsight was a bit stupid, I mean why take the risk? Luckily instead of kicking him in the gonads I fetched a towel, put it between my legs, pushed a little and gleefully showed him the soaked evidence. Labor had started! That is pretty much then that the chaos started. There were some phone calls and last minute scrambling for things I was SO SURE I’d need. Somehow we managed to find the pre-packed hospital bag, get in the car and get on the move. The drive was surreal. Late July at 1am is not very dark, just slightly darker than twilight, and the roads were practically empty the whole way, so there we were, the two of us (soon-to-be three) and the not so gentle humming of our little Lada. We kept exchanging glances that said; “Holy shit, this is it! We’re having a baby! OMFG!”, and I had the beginning of what felt like period cramps nesting in my uterus.
We made it to the hospital with no incidents, except we made it to the main entrance instead of the side entrance especially for people like me. We stood sheepishly at the locked front doors wondering why they wouldn’t let us in, while some hundred meters down the drive way a gang of drunk people were making a ruckus. It’s very humbling standing there like idiots, me with a huge bulge in my pants that looked suspiciously wet in the groin area. It took a little while but my brain finally kicked into bossy mode and I told Jelly Man that we should go back to the car and drive around the side - just leave it to me to get it right..
We were ushered in and told to wait in the lobby. It was quiet, it was around 1.30am. We didn’t wait long before we were taken to an exam room where I was given a rocking chair and a device strapped to my bulging belly in order for them to track my contractions. It felt like I had to wait forever, no one was telling us much, in fact most of the time it was just Jelly Man and I. After an eternity, a doctor comes in to have a chat with us about the blood sugar tests I did months ago. When I took the test I didn’t get the result right away - instead we were to get it at our next checkup with the midwife, but she was sick that day and we had a substitute. At the following checkup we made sure to ask if the test results were OK and we were told that they were fine, nothing to worry about. Now this doctor was sitting there telling me that my blood sugar hadn’t been alright, that there must have been a mistake, were we sure we were told the results came out OK? I start to get frustrated and angry, why is she even springing it on me now? As if I can go back in time and set things right - I’m about to give birth and you’re nagging me about some stupid results that make no difference at this point, woman get the fuck off my back!
The doctor gave an ultrasound to check if the baby was in the right position, and it seemed it was. I was finally allowed to shower, given these odd fishnet panties (yes, fishnet panties), a big comfy nightgown and bathrobe and we were given sandwiches and a room with two beds so we could get some rest - I was apparently no way near dilated, thankfully I was blissfully unaware of that. It was hard resting. It was already getting light out and my cramps were getting worse by the hour, and while I was suffering quietly Jelly Man was sleeping next to me. At some point they brought me some breakfast, a sandwich and yogurt, which I couldn’t eat - I think it must have been around 6.00am.
The cramps kept getting worse and worse. I guess I should stop calling them cramps, they were contractions. I was having contractions and I was whimpering. A nurse came in and saw my sorry state and kindly told me that lying down makes the pain worse. She brought me a warm beanbag for my stomach and we got me back into a rocking chair.
Jelly Man was still asleep.
Not long after that we were moved into another room, with a bed just for me, a rocking chair, tv, and most importantly nitrous. Lots and lots of nitrous. This is where it was all going to happen. I sat around like this for a couple of hours.
Around midday I was told I could go into the hot tub down the hall. Jelly Man decided to go fetch some edibles for himself while I sat in the big tub, trying to relax. It didn’t actually help much and when Jelly Man came back an hour or so later I gave up and got out. In the afternoon, when I was still not dilating like I should, they gave me pitocin and I started huffing the gas for serious. The pitocin got things moving, but my contractions were getting unbearable. During one particular nasty contraction I took deep breaths in the gas mask and didn’t notice the commotion surrounding me as my vital signs dropped very suddenly. I remember the doctor quickly turning some knobs while muttering something or other but I couldn’t care less.. The dude with the needle was summoned and I was actually thanking him from the very bottom of my heart while whimpering through the contractions and the needle jabs in my spine. Of everything that went on that night, the thought of that needle in the spine is what makes me shiver to this very day.
Getting the epidural was like.. getting something really awesome! I asked for food and they brought me a plate of food. I was bored, so we put on the tv. Every now and then the dude with the needle came and jabbed me again and I kept thanking him, even that one time where he managed to only numb half of me. At around 10pm I complained that I needed to pee, so they put in a catheter, drained me and checked how far dilated I was - I was just about ready to start pushing. At 10.40 I complained that I needed to pee again - the nurse said it was probably the baby pushing on my bladder. I was told to start pushing whenever I felt like it. I watched a little more euro news and then declared I was ready.
I was aware of the nurse wiping my butt, but honestly I didn’t give a damn. I kept pushing and pushing and pushing - it felt like an eternity of pushing. The pressure I felt when my labia stretched around the head wasn’t painful per se, but it gave me the feeling that I had to get this over with as soon as possible, so I pushed and pushed some more. She kept telling me how good I was doing and encouraging me to keep at it. According to the nurse I was only pushing for two minutes.
In a fit of uncontrolled happiness and tiredness I sobbed as I heard it was a girl. J cut the cord and she was wrapped in blankets and placed on my stomach.
Carlita Rue Hillhouse was born on July 31st at 11.07pm
