Advanced planning

Monday, October 31, 2005

This year hasn’t exactly turned out the way it meant to - no matter that I don’t know precisely what could have been done, or could have happened, for it to turn out right.

Maybe, for starters, my BPAL package shouldn’t have gotten stuck in customs the way it did. I got all huffy and puffy about it, but it turns out that everything “merchandise” coming from the US has to be taxed, especially things like perfume.

And maybe if I hadn’t gained all that weight this year. It must be at least 10-15kg ago I stopped feeling HUMAN. It’s damned hard finding motivation when you are so low. It helps to think that next year about this time we might, or might not, decide to do something that might, or might not, involve rings. Ssssh! It’s not totally decided yet. But in-case-of, I would like to look my best. Regardless, I would like to look my best, but this is by far the best motivator I’ve got at the moment.

Maybe I should have taken things slower with D-E. I realize now that I had a lot to learn when I started - but the good thing is, now I know more than when I began! There is still a lot of work left, but at least now I know what I’m up against.

I know there are still months left to the new year - its just good to be ahead sometimes.

One month down, too many left

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Urgh! I've had a complete disaster of a month. Disaster, I tell you. Since I'm going to a BIG family birthday / reunion / meeting new people type thing this month I needed something to wear. J said it would be good for me, that shopping is recreational etc etc, and I was getting all excited while we walked from the parking lot, past the canal and towards the store. Jolly good, I thought, finally something that doesn't make me break out in cold sweat.

Hah.

First off, it's not recreational when you are fat. Or when you feel even fatter than you look (or the other way around, which is probably worse). And especially not when you finally find something worth wearing, IN YOUR SIZE, and then realize it's because you're in the maternity section. By that point J was getting whiny (so much for relaxation and recreation) and I was about to burst into tears (I'm getting fat again!).

BUT, I did walk away with 1 pair of pants, 4 tops and a handbag. I don't know why, but lately I've had a thing for handbags, and this one is cute, has many pockets (essential) and some leather and chains S/M looking thing strapped across it (gutsy). I hope I didn't over-do it.

It's times like this I'm so fucking grateful that I spent 300€ on myself last Christmas, without batting an eye. Ok, so I'm lying, I often feel guilty about spending on myself so shamelessly, but I didn't budge this time, mostly thanks to J who is such a giver. I think that man would give me the world if he could - but then I'd feel so guilty I'd ruin the romance.. Anyway, yes, my Creative Zen Touch will be much appreciated on my flights. Traveling makes me nervous, but everything is so much easier if you feel like you're in a music video.

There is so much more to tell, since I haven't had much time to sit here - connection, server and clients in dire need of help (my help! EEK!) don't leave much time over for anything else. It's hard on me being my "own boss" since all things that go wrong land on me without question, and I'm prone to be very hard on the one who screws up on my shift, ie. me.

Thank god August is over and won't be back for another year. Unless, of course, something unexpected happens. Like it usually does for me.

Yeah, I'm cranky.

Perkele

Monday, August 29, 2005

I’m just about ready to go curl up in a corner and whine while I slowly die away. Seriously. Sitting here tugging at my hair is NOT my idea of a good career, and lately that is all I have been able to do. I must have done someone really wrong and now I’m getting it all back tenfold because this is almost on the brink of “I want to quit”. Especially since OTHER people depend on me, and I depend on my connection and my connection, my chair, my table, well it’s all shit.

Best tourism company can buy

Friday, August 19, 2005

We had company earlier this week - two IRC buddies, Pooki, whom J and I have met before, and her boyfriend Iain from UK. How did it go? I think apart from being late to pick them up, having only one mattress, having way too many flies and the use of extremely crude language, everything went like, really well! I finally met someone who talks just about as much as I do during movies and we were practically burping in sync. J liked this boyfriend of Pooki’s and he is a hard guy to win over - if that is what you want, heh.

I guess it’s times like these that I remember why I’m still doing the whole IRC thing.

Anyway, I’m tired of moaning about my back and it’s pains, so I’ll just shut up about it and we’ll assume that everything is for shit until I say otherwise. The buying of chair and table and balls have been pushed up the calendar since we have to take care of bills first. The same old, same old.